The months
have yet again passed quickly, the croci are coming up, starting their annual
battle against the weeds and as they appear I know that our peaceful autumn/winter
has drawn to an end and that a new season is upon us. This oncoming season is
unfortunately, a season that spans two seasons and is known only to a few. It
is a fifth season recognised to ex-pat’s worldwide as the ‘Visitor Season’
which this year runs, for us, from end March until the last of the buggars go
home. I use the term buggars hesitantly as it does not include my immediate
family (well, perhaps some of them).
These
intruders into my well-ordered private space can be categorised in various ways
and the following examples have all been our guests at one time. But only one.
The no-car brigade - will not rent a car but expect you
to show them the ‘sights’.
The sun worshippers - lie by the pool all day while you
bring drinks.
The parsimonious - you feed and water them for two
weeks and they magnanimously give you 25 euros at the end of their stay to go
towards their upkeep
The morons - insist on having the TV on all day
whether they are in the room or not
The thoughtless – leave the air-con on and open the
windows – also sit on white sofas when covered in sun cream
The sanctimonious - tell me I’m drinking too much wine
with dinner
The Germans - spend an hour having breakfast and
want fresh orange juice, cold meats, cheeses, toast and both scrambled and
boiled eggs and bring their own coffee.
And one
couple who, when we were about to split a dinner bill, complained that they only
ordered one dish to be shared between them.
The problem
is that you only find out that they are like this after they have arrived and
by then it’s too late. Our first guests this year arrive shortly and I see problems
ahead. The main problem being the fact that I only know her and Sophie hasn’t
met either of them. We have never been out with them, never been to each-others
homes and never had a meal together – this could be disastrous, thank G-d it’s
only five days. Why did I invite them? Don’t ask, I don’t know. And if you add
to this the fact that they lean, politically speaking, slightly to the left of
Lenin and Marx, certain conversations are out of the question, we shall not be
able to watch the news together without a major heated discussion, which they
would win as they are both highly intelligent and used to debating. I suppose
it could be worse …… no it can’t, I’ve burned my boats, I’ve made my bed, I’ve crossed the line, there is
no going back. My guests shall arrive later this month and I/we must greet them
with smiles and bonhomie because if it doesn’t work it’s not their fault – it’s
mine.
